The conflict style quiz for couples
If you keep having the same argument, you already know the topic is not the problem. What you probably have not seen written down is the shape of it. Who moves first, who goes quiet, and which one of you is waiting for something the other does not know how to give.
This is built for two people, not one. That is not a limitation we are apologizing for. A conflict pattern is something you make together, and you cannot see it from one side.
24 questions. About 5 minutes. Free to start, together.
How it works, plainly
- Start with the Drift Check, free. 24 questions, about 5 minutes each. It shows where the distance actually sits across all six corners of the relationship, which is usually not where either of you assumed.
- Your partner takes it too. Nothing meaningful comes back until they do. Two sets of answers is the whole point, because the gap between them is the finding.
- Then go deeper into the fight itself. HEAT names how each of you moves when things get hot. MEND names how each of you repairs afterward. Those two are part of the paid membership, not the free check, and you will know that before you are asked for anything.
What you find out
Two vocabularies, four names each. Not labels for who you are. Names for what you do under pressure, which is a thing that can change.
How you fight
- Heated. Confronts fast and brings intensity. Raises the volume to be felt.
- Engaged. Wants to talk it through. A problem solver who stays in the room.
- Away. Needs space. Processes alone, then comes back ready.
- Tranquil. Calms things down. Smooths the edges and keeps the peace.
How you repair
- Mender. Action driven. Let me make it right.
- Expresser. Regret driven. I am sorry, I see how that hurt.
- Namer. Responsibility driven. I was wrong, that was on me.
- Deepener. Humility driven. Will you forgive me.
24 questions. About 5 minutes. Free to start, together.
Keep exploring conflict and repair
Why couples fight, and what closes it
The loop behind a repeating argument. What the research says about conflict, and the two halves most couples only ever do one of.
Why you keep having the same fight
Sixteen versions of the same twenty minutes. Find the one that sounds like your house, by how each of you fights and how each of you repairs.
Awareness. The attention
Catching the temperature rising before it boils. The corner of the DPR MAP that notices the pattern in the first place.
Protection. The safeguard
Repairing the rupture before it sets. The corner that preserves everything the rest of the map built.
When the distance has already set in
An argument nobody closes is one of the main roads into drift. What emotional disconnection is, and how it actually starts.