Make it a game, and the real stuff comes out to play.
How do I get my partner to open up?
To get your partner to open up, make it a game instead of a talk: take turns with fun questions that slowly go deeper. A question game like LVRS FRVR (said Lovers Forever), the daily game for two, makes the real thing easy and even fun to say.
A game takes the pressure off. Nobody is on the spot, because you both answer. You laugh at the silly ones, and somewhere around the third card the real stuff starts to come out.
Going slowly from light to deep is well studied. Pairs who answered questions that gently got more personal felt closer by the end, even as strangers (Aron, Melinat, Aron, Vallone and Bator, 1997, Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin).
Easy openers that go a little deeper
- What is the best thing that happened to you this week?
- What is something you are looking forward to?
- What is a memory from when you were a kid that still makes you laugh?
- What is something you wish more people knew about you?
- What is one thing I could do this week that would make your day?
How the daily game for two plays
LVRS FRVR (said Lovers Forever) is a daily game for two people in love.
Each morning there is one small card waiting for the two of you. Sometimes it is a question. Sometimes it is a tiny mission. You each play it on your own phone, then you talk about it, laugh about it, and wonder what tomorrow's card will be.
It takes a few minutes a day. It is free to start. And it only starts when both of you say yes, because it is a game made for two.
One tiny thing for tonight
Tonight, ask one easy question, answer it yourself first, and let the next one be theirs to ask.
Play the daily game for twoFree to start. It begins when you both say yes.